Sarah Dickerson

January 26, 2009

Nursing Home

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 4:13 pm

Feeling kind of wiggy without my meds.  I ran out  on Friday; can’t refill till Wednesday.  Withdrawal feels alot like grieving, like dark clouds are descending.  I have to keep telling my own head to quiet down.  It’s just making noise.   One of today’s classes went awful.  Was it just me?  The GVSU network was down and so I couldn’t get to Blackboard or the library and some other stuff I needed to show them.  So I talked it all out, scribbled on the board (isn’t that what teachers always did in the past anyway?), bored the daylights out of them, I guess.  Could barely get them to partake in discussion.  I hate it when that happens.   When we got to brainstorming topics, things picked up a little.  I said,  ”What’s wrong with you guys?”  to some of them.   “Monday,”  they mutter.   “It’s just  Monday.”      I tried to hide my head wiggies from them.

Saw Mom in the nursing home this past Saturday.  Her face lit up when she saw me.  She kept repeating that she was glad to see me and told me how pretty I was.  Or maybe she said beautiful.   It’s been a while since she perked up and chatted.  She reached out for my hand, patted my arm.   I found out she now weighs less than I do:  162  (I’m 165:  Tomorrow’s my first day of Weight Watchers), so I teased her about that, complained, and she laughed, patted my arm some more.    We went to the dining room and ate with Carl, a man with some kind of movement disorder, trouble eating, talking (doesn’t usually talk), also an amputee.   Still, Carl is one of our favorites.   There is something sweet about him.  Normally he nods, or smiles, or waves a contorted arm.  He has to be fed;  so does an older lady at our table, who barely eats anything at al, and almost never opens her eyes:  Genevieve, though everyone calls her Bop:  a short polish nickname for Grandma, I guess.   Mom has to be fed too.  Dad does that, but someone else does now at breakfast.

Today, Carl piped in.  We talked about Chicago.  He said he’d been there three times.  It’s hard to understand his garbled and forced talking.   He seems to have to make such a huge effort to speak.  No wonder he rarely does.  At dinner he talked with us some more.  About working as a lumber man in the thumb area, and I think also Washington  State.  He said the Ocean was beautiful, very blue, I think he said,  more beautiful than the lakes.  We asked if he’d ever seen any whales.   He offered an enthusiastic yes with nods.   He’s never talked so much.  Asked for three sugar packets to be added to his hot chocolate.

We talked to Carl more at dinner than Mom.   The complete opposite from lunch:   she was asleep, out cold, could not be shaken or prodded to wake up.  Dad held her cheeks in both hands to giver her a shake.  Nothing.  When she’s out, she’s out.    I tried to stick a straw in her mouth to see if she wanted water.  She held her lips shut.  I said, “Do you want some water?”   She  opened up and said “No.”

January 23, 2009

Emily’s new blog

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 8:33 pm

Check her out:

http://emilialoveless2.wordpress.com/

My little girl is growing up

January 21, 2009

Dreams and spinning out

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 4:15 pm

My dead brother showed up in my dream last night, alive and well, and told me I was putting on weight.   Yes, I know, I told him.  Jerk.  First time I’ve dreamed of him in ages.   I was driving down Antrim Lane, which, in my dream, went on forever and huge condos were built up on both sides of the road, in between the homes and cottages that are there now, all of them rebuilt and added onto to look like mansions and set farther apart.  I must have gone miles down the lane before I reached our cottage, and the road even split off into a divided dirt road, like a highway, as the condos got taller and broader, the lake as blue and beautiful as ever.  By the time I got to the cottage, someone had rebuilt it.  It was five times the usual size, maybe 3 or 4 stories tall with brand new hard wood floors throughout, a fancy eat in kitchen with cast iron pots and pans hanging from the walls, a huge stone fireplace, beautiful furniture, balconies and lofts and cozy bedrooms, with colorful down comforters and beautiful rugs every where, multiple decks at multiple levels with perfect views of the bay.  Stuffed animals all over the place. 

I was standing in the kitchen when he told me.  “You’ve put on some weight.”  That’s kind of it.  One of the Mankers from down the lane came down to say hello and gave Brandy a hug, then he explained that some crook was remodeling all the homes on the lane, and wanted in on the profits when they sold. 

In reality, our cottage is falling apart from disuse and lack of TLC, Brandy is dead, the kitchen is full of mouse shit, the floor is caving in, the place is musty and full of dust and most of the furniture and paintings have been removed, and mold is growing in the corners and it looks like a total dump.  It should be torn down.  It is for sale, and the price keeps dropping.  Check this out:  http://www.cookiemccullough.com/view.php?sort=sq_ft&o=4980&i=1666390&image=0 

Down to 338,000.    I tell you, the pics make it look like a palace.  What a crock.   Still in a good place, the lot worth the price. 

The truth is, I have put on a lot of weight.  I can’t even bend over and put on my socks.  I hope I lose some before AWP. 

Spun out badly on Lake Michigan Dr, turning left to come into GVSU.  I hit ice and spun fast to the right, then hard to the left, then back to the right waiting to hit someone, then 360′d full circle until  hit a bank of snow.  I hit no one, did not get hurt and did no damage to the car.  Amazing.  Scared the living shit out of me.  I’ve never lost control so wildly before.   I then non-chalantly turned my car around and made my left turn onto campus.  I hope it never happens again.  My hands shook for a good hour.

January 17, 2009

Arctic Cold

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 1:33 pm

In the single digits the last few days, and again today, with some pretty impressive wind chills.  I don’t even want to take the dog out.  3 to 5 inches of snow expected in GR, even more in Mt. Pleasant.  The snow just kind of stays fluffy and blows around and sounds squeaky when it’s that cold, but then after traffic’s been on it, it packs down and turns into a white kind of slick surface, having never really melted but just been packed into the pavement.  Salt doesn’t work when its this cold, so there’s sand on the freeways and some roads.   Esther told me someone was following her so close they tapped her bumper at 40 mph last night.  She came into my room and was a wreck.   “My heart hurts” she said– she was so scared.  Pissed me off.  What kind of asshole would do something like that?   You just want to figure out who the prick is that did that and go after his ass and tell him what a fucking asshole he is.  Then call the cops.

Every time she has to go to work in this kind of weather, down Lake Michigan drive, to 196 to 96 to the East Beltline,  I get nervous.  After work she stays out late.  I’m going to be a wreck for the rest of my life.  Especially in winter.   I hate driving in snow, and blowing snow, and cold.  I’m out of toilet paper and I don’t want to go out, and almost out of napkins because we’re out of toilet paper (oh, we might have a roll of paper towel under the sink!).

We’ve had too much snow already and both Bethy and I have missed a lot of visits to Mt. Pleasant to see mom and dad and feel guilty.  Bethy said she had a dream that she and her little girls were at the nursing home and dad was on the floor playing with the girls.  The nursing home was full of hallways and about ten stories tall (Like the Library of Babel!  I’ve re-read that one lately; maybe I’ll blog on it later).   She said Mom took off down one of the hallways (on her feet?), and asked Dad if we should go after her.  No, he said, they’ll take care of her (meaning the aids, nurses).   Bethy went looking anyway, searching up and down hallways and up and down floors, but couldn’t find her.

A nightmare.  We both feel guilty for having not visited in a few weeks, not since New Years.   Dad reports she is quiet and often sleepy or sleeping.  Sometimes she does not eat a meal, but usually eats at least two out of her three meals a day.  She doesn’t have a lot to say, and it’s tough to make up conversation when the other person doesn’t talk back.   3 or so weeks ago, she did reach out to pat my arm.

Airline crashed in the Hudson River near the lower part of Manhatten I think.  Amazing, landed beautifully in the water, everyone got out, tour boats and other vessels were there immediately to pick up passengers.  No one was killed.   They are calling it a miracle– the pilot is a hero.  I think the tour boats were like one  I was on when I went to NYC.    Yes, it’s amazing how perfect the landing and rescue was, but still, isn’t it a miracle that so many planes fly each day without crashing?  A bunch of birds killing the engines is not a miracle.   I guess it all depends on how you describe “miracle.”   Usually its when something amazing happens after something horrible happens.  I do think the pilot is a hero though.  Yes.

Memory:   Walking to the bus stop 3 blocks from home in Jr. High.  I would check the temp on TV.  Before they had those weird cable/announcement type community channels, there was a channel where a camera scanned a series of circular dials; it was in black and white (or our TV was):  first one for the time; then the barometric pressure; then the temperature. . .there were several others, but I can’t remember what they were for:  wind speed?  Other weather stuff?  The channel (channel 2) was tuned into a country station.  I listened to “Southern Nights” by Glen Campbell (1975?)  almost every morning.  I paid particular attention to the time  so I knew when to start walking the three blocks to the bus stop (had to leave by 7:15:  still dark in the winter), and also the temperature.  I used to be excited when the temp hit 30 degrees.   I remember those as being good winter days, because it meant I would not freeze my tail off on the way to school.   This was back in the day of the Energy Crisis I think, or close to it.  Might have been Carter’s brilliant idea that we all keep our thermostats set low.  My parents kept it at 60, sometimes below:  they said it was “healthier”.  I would wake up in the morning and eat a bowl of cereal standing on the heating vent in the kitchen, wanting never to get off.  I hated school (junior high is the worst); I hated the bus, I hated winter;  I hated that time period in my life.

Still not crazy about it about winter.   Not when its this cold.  Fortunately, the bus picks Emily up at the end of our driveway.  She walks out at the last minute.   It’s a nice excuse to stay in wrapped in a blanket and read though.   That’s my plan for today.

January 14, 2009

boats and deep water, and snow

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 8:38 pm

I have traveled on other boats.  I’d forgotten.  Most of them were those little tour boats.  Or not so little, they usually came with a snack bar.  I always felt safe on those:   There were quite a few in fact:  In Amsterdam after eating hash cake in one of those coffee shops:  one of the happiest canal rides I’d ever been on:  a very smooth high.  Amsterdam was a beautiful, happy place.  All those flowers.  The canals ran through town like streets and out onto some body of water:  a big bay, or a harbor (I need a map).  I remember seeing the place where Ann Frank hid on the upper floor of some kind of townhouse.  Canal rides:  how can you not feel safe. The sidewalks and city streets run right along beside you.   This place was fun, as any one who has ever been there probably knows.  It was probably my favorite place in Europe.   I rode on the handle bars of some guys bike from one end of somewhere in Amsterdam (probably stoned:  you could buy small bags of pot in those same coffee shops) to another.  I can’t remember where we were going, but the streets were busy and hilly and crazy and this guy rode like a pro and I just sailed along on the handle bars having a blast while he dodged traffic and pedestrians and trollies.   A memorable and wonderful experience.  Totally wild.

Boats:

Paris:  same thing, tour of the Siene.  Lovely;  New York City:  boated around the lower part of Manhatten, also great.  Nice view of the city from there and of course the Statue of Liberty.  I’d never been to New York before 9/11, so I’ve never seen the towers.  I did see the memorial, the enormous hole in the ground, the one little stairway left in the middle.  It was still under all kinds of construction.   And it was very moving.   I’m not sure, but I think they removed that one bit of stairway, to a museum maybe.

Other boats:  The girls and I boated around The San Fransisco Bay.  Also lovely, under the Golden Gate Bridge, people up there waving at us, and around Alcatraz.   Love those little boat tours.  Somehow I’m not afraid of those.

But, if I were on a little sail boat or speed boat ten miles or more from any shore, or if I can see the floor of lake below me, ten or 20 or more feet below me, I can still get kind of scared.   Even our little motor boat up north, I never liked going out too far.   I can still remember worrying about “being out too far, ” as a little kid.  I wonder how I’d do on a trip across Lake Michigan from Ludington to Milwaukee.  I’d like to try that one.   I do recall the ocean waves rocking the car ferry pretty good in North Caroline to (or was it from? or both?) Cape Hatteras.  I remember that day too.  Huge waves on the beach, fairly unpopulated.  Lovely beach, long, long rolling waves that took forever to break and forever to roll to shore, and the shoreline, that is, from where it was about up to your knees to where you walked into the water, was long walk.  When the wave broke and rushed in, it went on for a long time, like you were standing in a river. . . .a long time, before it rolled back or another one rolled in.  Anyway, it was different than the lakes.  Very different.  I liked playing on shore in the ocean.  I did not like swimming it it very much.   Too rough, almost too warm and too salty.  Sticky.  Not so much rough as powerful.  I’ll go for freshwater any time.  At least you can wash your hair.

On “Big Wave” days when I was a kid we could get 8 to 10 foot waves and they came in big, tall, and fast and crashed hard.  I can remember body surfing on one and getting thrown merclessly hard, like BANG, slammed onto the shore line and scraping hard along rocks and pebbles and sand.  I think I got scraped up a bit and my suit was packed full of sand.   I don’t think it ever occured to us that swimming on those super windy days with the huge waves was dangerous.   If one was way too big and we didn’t want to deal with it, we just held our breath and ducked under until it rolled over the top.  Other wise you had to ride it in, jump as high as you could to keep your head above it,  or get slammed by it.   If it was at the breaking point, I ducked.   But we could get in some pretty good body surfing.   North Carolina was different.  We got a hold of those boogy boards (this was after I was married, before the girls) and when you picked up a wave just right, you were in for a hellava nice long, fast ride to shore.   The ride on on Lake Mich waves just wasn’t like that.

I got side tracked.   Off the  top of my head, I can’t think of any other boats, or ships I’ve been on.

Snow, plowed snow.  I remember the time I took Dad’s car to Island Park to pick up my sister from ice-skating.  There is a big drive, or was, that circles the park, but in winter, a lot of it wasn’t plowed.  Or it was plowed, but plowed in such a way, that when I picked up Bethy, I drove around toward the back of the park, circled to the left, went around and past the bridge toward Nelson Park, past the way-above ground pool (not there anymore) and when I went to turn right to go up the hill and out of the park, there was a bank of  snow maybe three or four feet high blocking the way that the plows had left behind.   I saw a set of tire tracks going up and over, so I figured I could make it.  I went for it and ended up teeter tottering on top of the snow bank.  No wheels touching the ground, bottomed out.   Or something like that.   Sorry Dad.

Called Dad, found  a couple guys with a rope and they pulled us up and over the bank of snow.

I’d like to think I’ve learned something about driving in the snow, but I wonder.   I fishtailed down high street once just after getting my driver’s liscence at 16.  Scared the shit out of myself.

January 12, 2009

Driveways

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 4:47 pm

Esther got stuck in our drive way on the way out yesterday.  Emily had a couple girl friends spend the night, so the four of us had no problem pushing her little Chevy out (piece of shit it’s turned out to be).   She was blocked in by a bit of plowed snow piled up at the edge of the driveway, plus a nice sheet of thick ice beneath the snow.  Not sure how she got back in last night.  I got stuck getting IN last week–slid pretty good right into a pile of plowed snow on the side of my driveway and screwed up some part of my front end.  Could not back it up either, not really, and could not move forward.  I tried rocking:  first gear forward, reverse backwards, forward, backward, and it seemed to be working, but mostly I was spinning the front wheel and burning the clutch or something because it stunk.  Not good.  So, I went to  get some towels to lay them on the ice under my front wheels, thinking that’ll keep em from spinning.  That’s when I realized that though the parking break was on, the car was still in first gear and one of the front wheels was spinning on slick ice just as the engine idled (a pretty high idle I think).  Took me a minute to figure it out.  I kept thinking its a good thing the parking break was on, but who’d care:  the car was just going to  sit there spinning anyway. 

So the towel idea almost worked but turned out to be pretty stupid.  I gave up and went into the house.  It wasn’t the snow that was the problem, the our driveway is like a skating rink (I need to get some salt).  I left the back end of my car hanging out on to the shoulder of the high way.  

Finally it occured to me I could probably back it straight out to the middle lane and have at it again, so I waited for the car to stop stinking, started it up, stuck it in reverse, straightened the wheel, waited for the traffic to clear, and pulled it way out, spinning part of the way.  Then I put it into first, got a good head start and fishtailed into my driveway all the way to the car port.  Cool. 

This morning:  still icy as all get out, covered with a couple inches of snow and plowed in about 6 inches along the edge of the drive way.  So, I turned the car around, faced out kind of at an angle, and waited pretty far back in my driveway for the traffic to clear so I woudn’t get stuck at the edge (like we did on Christmas day).   I figured I’d gun it.   When it cleared, I did:  I spun some, but got a grip and peeled out to the left, skidding just a little.  Yes.

Now,  I wonder if I’ll get in.  What I’m not gonna do is turn in from the shoulder.  I may even make my right turn from the second lane (No. . .not a good idea). 

A nice man has been plowing us during storms, but there’s been no real storm.  Getting the salt is up to me. 

I’ve never had a real driveway before.  I have a lot to learn.

January 10, 2009

Saturday

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 3:17 pm

This re-commitment to blogging is harder than I thought.  I’m doing what I do when I’m writing, put it off by surfing the internet, reading my dad’s forum (www.burtondickerson.com), checking my checking account in case anyone stuck money in there, writing emails (though not so much anymore).  I just burned a half hour reading the list of conference presentations  for this year’s AWP conference.   Looks like lots of interesting stuff:  Bob R, will be there, Ander, Nicole, Elena P, who is a new visitor at GV, other old friends from Iowa.  It’s in Chicago and I keep thinking it’s way too close to Grand Rapids NOT to go and the dept might fork over train fair at least (I could apply for the teaching grant, but I’m feeling lazy), but Amtrak between Grand Rapids and Chicago is really screwing up lately.  A few weeks ago, stuck on the tracks over night, did not get into GR until the next morning, and again a night or two ago, got in 5 hours late, which must have been about 2am.  I’m sure my niece would let me crash at her place and a friend might share her badge with me, but I feel funny about stealing my way in.  A colleague and I at work joked (just joking mind you) about forging (forging?)  our badges, finding a Kinkos and stealing some of those plastic badge holder thingies you wear around your neck.  Could save me 175 bucks.

Or, I could get off my ass and still apply for a 500 dollar teaching grant and just go and have some fun.

My computer at home is infected with all kind of bugs and worms and things, and may be dying, and it seems to keep even the Spybot from working the way it should.  The desk top disappears and you have to do weird things to switch from one thing to the next and we shut down improperly every night and I wish I had money.

Snowing today.  Not too bad, worse south of us.  But cold as hell.  I no longer live in a tree house, but in a funny, ugly on the outside, cute on the inside, Florida style, I think they call them, flat-roofed house on Lake Michigan Dr, close to both GR and GVSU campus.  Because I have a yard now, it’s easy to let the dog in and out and not walk the poor thing like I used to.  Now we are both getting fat and lazy.

More on Living The Great Lakes by Jerry Dennis.  I learned a few things that I wanted to share and might touch on in my own book.  It may take more than one blog to do it in, and may trigger a memory.   He was five years old when his family moved back to the Leelanau Peninsula.  They lived in a hill top house with a view of the big lake, so the guy knew this place.  In one bit he talks about how he became interested in sand and the plant life and waves.  The smallest waves on the Lakes are called capillary waves, wrinkles on the surface of the water.  They act like tiny sails, he says, to catch the wind and make larger waves.  Gusts blow over the land, plummet into the water, then gather force.   White caps “march” across the bay and pump up and down (I hope he doesn’t mind if I borrow a few things word for word without using quote marks:  I think he’s speaking specifically of the waves he might have seen from another bay, somewhere on the north shore of Lake Michigan, with a view North Manitou, somewhere near Pyramid Point:  I need a map; can it be much different at the mouth of  Grand Traverse Bay?  Maybe).  Breakers “purl and gallop” down the shore (I like that:  “purl and gallop.”)  Lower swells sluggish by cold seemed to rise from the bottom, he says, and “crawl” to shore, finally collapsing on the sand “like exhausted swimmers.”

Yes, I don’t see why that can’t be true for Grand Traverse Bay as well, because I’ve seen this galloping and purling and I’ve seen the sluggish but heavy ones that just crash in.   Later in the book he talked about how the Lakes were different than the ocean and why it can be more of a problem for ships to navigate.  Out in the middle of Lake Michigan he once encountered very big waves, “not rollers, but steep, short-period wind waves.”  Freshwater, he says, is less dense than salt water, so lake waves rise quicker and run faster and can more or less wreak havoc with all the choppiness and getting tossed around.  I think Lindy and Rose experienced this a bit when they went across the bay to Northport with a friend up north in a speed boat.  It got pretty darn bumpy and windy and there’s the realization that you’re way the hell out there.  The bay’s pretty big.  Maybe Lindy can explain that one better.    Anyway, on the ocean, you’re rising and dipping over much larger, often smoother swells, easier to navigate actually.

Hajo Knuttel, a freelance ship’s captain, was the guy he traveled with on the ship called the Malabar:  a tall masted schooner a hundred feet long with two 60 foot masts.  It was big.  This was this guy’s first time on the lakes.  He was an ocean person, but was surprised by how blue the water was and called them “Pretty big ponds”

Okay, now I’m re-writing this Dennis’  book, which I don’t mean to do.  Just wanted to write about my favorite parts, the parts where I learned some things, but it may take time.    Here’s one more thing that’s cool and then I’ll say more on another day:  Lake effect snow.  This, I had no idea about:  There are only a very few places in the world where lake effect snow happens (and this is relevant since one of those places is about 8 miles away from us down Lake Michigan Dr in Benton Harbor! Same for Bethy in Traverse City)  Here’s what he says:  A body of water has to be located at a latitude cold enough to produce snow, not so cold the water would freeze over and large enough to warm the air.   It also requires a mass of land to supply cold air upwind from the water.  Such conditions are only present on the Great Lakes, The east shore of the Hudson Bay and the west coast of Japanese Islands of Honshu and Hokkaido.  The amount of snow varies with “fetch” the distance the wind travels over open water:  the south shore of Lake Superior gets it bad as well as places like Buffalo and Rochester, which get buried at times.   Interesting, interesting, interesting.  I had no idea.  I just thought that was cool.

Speaking of waves and lakes, and deep water.  I remember being scared to death of boats, anything that took me out over my head:  maybe I was 4 to 8ish or more years old.   I remember being in a row boat with my dad, and it looked like we were ten or more feet above the floor of the lake, all covered in mossy stones.   Even though it’s kind of magnified by the water, it still looked deep as hell to me and scared me to death.   I also did not like the distance from shore, so far away we might never get back.  The deepness must have been a weird sort of fear of heights.  It was so far down, or seemed to be.   I remember I would not, for years, ride in the Manker’s speed boat.   I also remember my dad pulling up the car, facing a boat launch.  All I remember was a road that disappeared under the water:   Maybe it was in Norwood, a place where people on the lane launched their boats, I think.   Dad pulled right up to the shore, where the road went under and I was afraid he’d drive all the way in, or the car would, of its own power, go all the way in.  (why would I not trust that he would certainly not drive the car all the way in?).   I would sit in the backseat panicked and probably whining.  I had a weird fear of the water, or deep water, or getting stuck in the water, but I always went into the water, went swimming, dove for rocks, played around on little rafts and boats.   It was the bigger boats and the deeper water I was afraid of.  When I finally did get the courage to go out on Manker’s boat:   it somehow stalled or had engine problems a million miles from shore, and I cried, scared shitless.  I think Mr. Manker ingored me, and the boys, Marty and Mike teased me.  Of course, the boat was just “idling,”  I did not know what that meant.  I was afraid of Mel’s sand dune rides too.  I was afraid of everything, but especially being out “over my head”   I must have gotten over it eventually, but for a long time I did not like canoeing or rowing too far from shore.  And I think I can count on one hand the times I’ve been on a big boat anywhere: Never on the bay, twice to go the Mackinaw Island, and once or twice on Lake Bellaire in my cousin’s smaller, but quite fancy speed boat.  The one that pulled Brandy on water skiis when he died.  I also ferried across the English Channel at night.  A 3 hour trip, but I didn’t see anything.  I must have slept.  That and we took a car ferry on the outer banks of North Carolina:  That was pretty wavy and scary, to get to the tail end of outer banks.  I forget what that part’s called.  I need a map again

So, its neat to see the shore, the lakes.

from this Jerry Dennis’ perspective on the Malibar.

January 7, 2009

New Day

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 2:21 pm

Always a new day.  Thank God. 

Weather:  fairly warm, near 30 ish if not above, balmy but snowy.  It was snowier this morning when I took the dog out.  Kind of nice just at dawn when its still sort of dark and the snow makes everything glow a bit:  the stuff on the ground and the stuff falling.  Roads a little slick today, but not as bad as December’s snow storms.  One of them both Esther and I were snowed in; Emily at an overnight.  I thought we’d both lose our minds.  She bitched and whined about not getting to see her boyfriend, mouthed off at me, told me I drove her crazy, cried.  I snapped and told her she could move the hell out if I was making her that miserable and that I was still waiting for her to outgrow her mouthy stage.  It just keeps getting worse.  She was quiet and sniffling for a while, all the while the snow piled up outside and no one was on the road.  Finally we got past it and she’s been quite nice to me since.  She got me a Hot Wheels remote control car and I raced it around the hallways of the nursing home, hoping like hell I wouldn’t break someones hip.  Most of them are in wheel chairs.  The staff enjoyed the car I’d say more than the residents.  What a bunch of grumps.  

A day or so later, my mother’s 92 year old roommate did break her hip, falling out of her chair in her room.  She will come back, but she may not survive the injury.  I guess hip injuries in the elderly are killers. 

Second day of classes and I’ve sure learned how to babble on.  Things going well so far.   3 good groups, my 8am class has only 22 students.  Yes!

Memories:   I was looking on Dad’s website (see link in entry below) at all the hard edge 60’s pop art stuff, if that’s what you call it.   There’s a few of them on pages 13, 14 and 15, maybe 16 starting here:  http://burtondickerson.com/Gallery/Paintings?page=14    The numbers, the swirly shapes, the hour glass things, all those weird hard-edge designs.  I remember those on the walls when I was very little.   Some of these on Dad’s site I’ve seen for the first time since I was a kid.  I imagine over the years, these old paintings came down and went into the basement or attic, and Travis when through everything and photographed them.  Later the big oily abstracts went up.  I remember as a kid, thinking those were messy and gross and that I wanted the nice neat designs back.  In fact, I may have kept some of the nice neat designs in my bedroom, instead of the big oily abstracts.   Now, those hard edged paintings remind me of when I was little.  

Still, there is a big, long, tall one:  no photograph and its not around the house anymore.  It hung in the stairwell on a tallish wall running from the second level of the stairwell to the ceiling of the second floor, probably the only place it could hang.  Lots of pink, I think.  That’s all I can remember.   I wonder what happened to it.  I know my dad joked about cutting up some of the pantings he dind’t like into little pieces and throwing them into the trash.  A neighbor pulled them out and made lovely place mats out of them.   There are some older paintings still hanging at the cottage, but most of them have been fetched out of there.  I think Lindy rescued them.  The mold and mildew up there must be murder on them.  There  is also one, or maybe two, built into the new ceiling (which was put in probably more than twenty years ago).  No way to get them out unless you tore the ceiling out.  Whoever buys the place and tears it down, will likely discover a couple of old oil paintings. 

Another painting I saw recently and have not seen since is one done by my mom.  About 3 feet tall by a foot wide of a big pot of tall weeds and cat tails.  I remember the painting well.  I saw it in the old home movies that Travis just put on DVD for us.  I had forgotten all about it and there it was.  Dad said he thought it was at the cottage.  We wondered if Lindy rescued that one for his house up north. 

Old home movies are great:  but the later ones are missing, the ones with Bethy and I.  There were only 2 or 3, but they seem to be lost for good.  Not in the house in Mt. Pleasant and Lindy said they were not in the box of films.  It’s kind of disappointing.  Still, looking at the old 50s home films are cool:  the toys my brothers got for Christmas, the over-alls and beanies  they wore outside when they played.  the cars in the roads, the sleds, the style of clothing, everyone smoking.  A few early shots of the cottage just after it was first built:  Brandy must have been a year old, or maybe two.   Weird how the place looks exactly the same, the landscape, 50 years ago, where the rest of us, and the cottage itself has aged.  A few trees on the cliff I remember in the film, now gone.  Long before they hung the tire swing from them.    The lake, the sunset, the shape of the beach is the same:  at one time, when I was around 20, the beach disappeared, but its back and now looks the same as it did in the fifties.  It may have been much sandier back then.  I don’t see so many rocks on the old sandy beach in the film as I do now.  Rocks everywhere.

I learned a whole bunch of stuff reading Jerry Dennis’ book on the Great Lakes and I want to share some of it.  But I need the book for reference.  I’ll do it later.  I may use some of it.

Done.

January 6, 2009

New Year

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahvd @ 12:13 pm

If anyone stopped in here yesterday they would have seen one sentence that said something along the lines of “I screwed up.”  I got going on my first entry and hit the delete button.  could find no “un do” thingy under edit.  So, I’m trying again. 

My resolution is to begin blogging again, since its been almost a year, since last year’s AWP conference.  So what if I didn’t start on the first.   My new philosophy, the one I plan to live by for the rest of my life is “Don’t Worry About it.”   So, it’s January 6.  So what?

Quick review:  I started smoking on the Fourth of July, the same day I started drinking.   The smoking stuck like glue; the drinking didn’t really take.  I had a few beers this summer.  The last one was about a month and a half ago.  I just quit smoking today (on Chantix).  I have no desire to drink and for now my philosophy is “don’t worry about it.”   I plan to stay off smokes because they might kill me and I feel like crap. 

I’ve gained ten more pounds for a total of 165.  Weight Watchers starts on campus next week.

Worked like a maniac on my book last spring and through part of the summer, until I started smoking and drinking.  I plan to start working on it again.  I just finished reading The Living Great Lakes: Searching for the Heart of the Inland Seas by Jerry Dennis.   One of the best personal, nature, history, place, etc pieces I’ve ever read.  Excellent, excellent, excellent.  Dennis travels the Great Lakes, starting in Traverse City, with _____ on a big sailing ship called the Malibar.  He starts with some childhood memories summering on Lake Michigan, not far from Sleeping Bear Dunes, I think it was.  He recalls a race from Chicago to the Straights that give a nice close up of that part of Lake Michigan, then takes off with his friend on the Malibar.  Excellent close ups of the Lakes, islands, rivers, canals, etc,  manuevering through buoys in shallow water, dealing with fog, storms (a big one on Lake Erie).  They go through the St. Claire River near Detroit (get stuck in the sand) travel through locks (I forgot the name: the one which bypasses Niagra Falls, I think), and the Erie Canal.  Very cool. I knew nothing about the Erie Canal  They go all the way to the Long Island Sound, out to the Atlantic, from Rhode Island up the Maine.  He discusses ship wrecks, the power of the Great Lakes, the waves, memories of fisherman drowning on Lake Michigan, wild-life and fish (alewives and the lamprey eel, something I’d like to talk about too in my book), and a whole lot of great history.  It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read.  The difference between the Atlantic and the Lakes is interesting.  The Atlantic, with horizon all around, freaked him out a bit.  Bigger swells, lots of fog.  I think on parts of the Great Lakes there are places where you see no land:   I hear it’s freaked some out.  Dennis mentions that even those used to the ocean are awe struck and kind of frightenened by sailing the Great Lakes:  there’s a whole different kind of power that many sailors don’t expect, and plenty of funky obstacles, like manuevering throught the Straights.  That was one of my favorite parts.

So, Bob R offered his students a journal prompt to talk about what they’re working on and what they’ve read lately.  This is what I’ve read and yes, its very much related to what I’m working on.  I’m thinking of sending the guy an email, if I can find him.  I finished the book two days ago and was sad to finish it.  I could have sailed with this guy forever.   Funny that I’ve never heard of him.   I’m working on something kind of similar:  the history of the region where I spent my summers growing up, around a place once called Antrim City, now referred to as Old Antrim City, a ghost town.  There’s a lof of stuff I’m trying to do:  part memoir, part history/place/nature:  mostly about the temporary-ness versus permanence of this place (I wish I were more eloquent).  Both physically and likely, emotionally.   Ultimately everything washes away in the bay and crumbles to the ground.  More detail as I go. 

I’m supposed to, according to Bob, write about a  memory every day.  It’s almost 11, and classes started yesterday.  I’m not finished with my prep work or schedule, and part of me wants to skip writing about the memory and get to work.  I think I’m supposed to devote a half an hour to a memory, but can a memory be “one” thing?   I have snippet that would remind me of other snippets.  Like the memory of getting onto my brother’s back, like riding a horse, only he was lying flat  (Lindy).  I leapt off his back, straight up in the air as far as I could, and came back down on him, also as  hard as I could.   Knocked the wind out of him.  I’m not sure, but I think he cried.  I know I hurt him.   I have no idea how old we were. 

That’s an isolated memory.  Nothing around it; no before or after, though I could attach it maybe to other memories I have of him:   The way he ate cereal with my other brothers around the kitchen table, shoving a spoonful into his mouth  kind of sideways so he could read the back of the cereal box.   The older brothers hogged the cereal boxes.  Seems to me I wanted to read the box and shove cereal into my mouth sideways.  An up north memory of Lindy:  an injury either on a mini-bike or motorcycle.  He cut his leg up, I think.  I was walking down Antrim Lane and Mom and Dad stopped in their car; Lindy was in the back seat, lying down, again, maybe crying or just in pain.  I can’t remember any details, but I remember worrying about the rest of the walk back down Antrim Lane to the cottage.  I’ll have to ask Lindy what happened.  He was the most accident prone in the family:  cut the tip of his ring finger off on a printing press, went off a winding road somewhere near Harbor Springs and into the woods at 60 or 70 mph on a motorcycle, missing every tree.  An eye injury; I can’t remember how he did that, but I remember we could not go up north that weekend because of it, and I was mad at both him and my parents.  Lindy urged my parents to take my sister and I up anyway, but they would not leave him alone at the house with his eye bandaged.  He must have been older than 18 then, maybe working in Mt. Pleasant or something. 

Okay, back to work. 

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